–– Geronda, the final diagnosis has been made. Your tumor is cancerous and it's aggressive.
–– Bring me a handkerchief so that I may dance to the song: "I bid farewell to you, O poor world!" I have never danced in my life, but now I will dance for joy as my death approaches.
–– Geronda, the doctor said that first he wants to use radiation to shrink the tumor and then do surgery.
–– I understand! First the air force will bombard the enemy, and then the attack will begin! I'll go up then and bring you news! Some people, even the elderly, when told by the doctor, "You will die," or "You have a fifty percent chance of surviving" get very distressed. They want to live. And then what? I wonder! Now, if someone is young, well , this is justifiable, but if someone is old and is still desperately trying to hang on, well, this I just don't understand. Of course, it's quite different if someone wants to undergo therapy in order to manage pain. He's not interested in extending life; he only wants to make the pain somewhat more bearable so that he can take care of himself until he dies –– this does make sense.
–– Geronda, we are praying that God may give you an extension on your life.
–– Why? Doesn't the Psalmist say, "The days of our years are threescore years and ten?"
–– But the Psalmist adds the following, "And if by reason of strength they be foreshore years..."
–– Yes, but he adds the following, "Yet is their strength labor and sorrow," in which case it is better to have the peace of the other life.
–– Geronda, can someone, out of humility, feel spiritually unprepared for the other life and wish to live longer in order to get prepared?
–– This is a good thing, but how can he know that, even if he does live longer, he won't become spiritually worse?
–– Geronda, when can we say that a person is reconciled with death?
–– When Christ lives inside him, then death is a joy. But one must not rejoice in dying just because he has become tired of this life. When you rejoice in death, in the proper sense, death goes away to find someone who's scared! When you want to die, you don't. Whoever lives the easy life is afraid of death because he is pleased with worldly life and doesn't want to die. If people talk to him about death, he reacts with denial: "Get away from here!" However, whoever is suffering, whoever is in pain, sees death as a release and says, "What a pity, Charon has not yet come to take me... He must have been held up!"
Few are the people who welcome death. Most people have unfinished business and don't want to die. But the Good God provides for each person to die when he is fully matured. In any case, a spiritual person, whether young or old, should be happy to live and be happy to die, but should never pursue death, for this is suicide.
For a person who is dead to worldly matters and has been spiritually resurrected, there is never any agony, fear or anxiety, for he awaits death with joy because he will be with Christ and delight in His presence. But he also rejoices in being alive, again because he is united with Christ even now and experiences a portion of the joy of Paradise here on earth and wonders whether there is a higher joy in Paradise than the one he feels on earth. Such people struggle with philotimo and self-denial; and because they place death before themselves and remember it every single day, they prepare more spiritually, struggling daringly, and defeating vanity.
Reference: Elder Paisios of Mount Athos Spiritual Councils IV: Family Life, pp 274-276.
-Elder,I often see and judge the failings and defects of others.
-Do you now what your illness is?
-No
-That's why you know the illness of others.If you knew your own illness,you wouldn't know the illness of others.I am not saying you shouldn't be concerned with their pain and suffering,but you mustn't preoccupy yourself with their faults.If a person is not concerned with his self,the tempter devil will lead him to be concerned with other people's faults.If we work on ourselves,then we know ourselves and come to know others as well.Otherwise,we judge others by wrong assumptions we make about ourselves.
-Elder,what helps the most in correcting ourselves?
-First of all,we need willpower.In a way,willpower provides the good foundation.Secondly,one must become aware that he is sick and take necessary antibiotic treatment;otherwise,if one is sick and hides the sickness,if he refuses to acknowledge it to himself and others, he will suddenly collapse one day before he realises it,and will already be beyond medical help.Let's say someone knows that he has a pretubercular condition that is causing his lack of appetite.People ask him,"Why don't you eat?""And he replies,Oh,I just don't like this food."Then he has aches and pains and can barely walk."Why are you walking like that?"they ask him.And he again says,"Oh,I like to go very slowly,why should i run like crazy."He doesn't admit to them or himself that he has aches and pains and can't walk.Then he has a cough." Why are you coughing?" "It's probably some allergy," he replies.Again,he won't admit that his lungs are a mess.In the meantime,he starts spitting blood but he still refuses to acknowledge his illness and says, "Oh,my throat must be sore!"
-And all this,Elder,simply because he refuses to acknowledge he has tuberculosis?
-Yes,he hides it and he hides from it.And while he is hiding it,he is gradually overtaken by full-scale tuberculosis.The lungs burst,he spits enough blood to fill buckets,then he collapses and the illness is exposed,but by then it is too late.But if he'd acknowledged the symptoms early on and accepted the necessary treatment,he'd have been healthier than the healthy.What I'm trying to say is that when it comes to the spiritual life,those who justify,hide or ignore their passions and faults,will in the end receive such demonic influence that they won't be able to hide.Have you any idea what it is like to accept demonic influence?One becomes like a wild beast,fiercely defensive,foul-mouthed,refusing any help from anyone.
This is why the starting point is for one not to be embarrassed,but to be gladly aware of his illness,his faults.From that point ,he must accept the necessary treatment,the appropriate medicines,and be grateful to his physicians-the Spiritual Father or the Elder-and not resist them.Look at how someone who's ill stretches out his arm to be given a blood transfusion,he's poked with the needle,it hurts,but he accepts the pain for the sake of his health.Or having an operation,we know how painful it is and yet we endure it for the sake of our health.
-Elder,when I know that a very strict remark will help me,why is it that i do not accept it gladly?
-Look,you may not be willing to accept it gladly,but do you at least realize that this is not right?
-Yes ,i do.
-Well then,if you realize it,that's something.You see,a person who is ill takes a pill that may be bitter as poison,but he accepts it better than candy,simply because he understands that it will help him.If we don't accept the bitter medicine,we can't expect to be cured.To be strengthened by Christ,one must recognize his weakness and take the medicine.
Taken from ELDER PAISIOS OF MOUNT ATHOS,Spiritual Counsels Vol3 "Spiritual Struggle"
